Hide your underwear...here I come.

My parents' dog Colby puts himself in time-out when he does something wrong. So if you find him cowering in his cage, you know to look around for the chewed-up underwear or the poop. I always think it's funny that he doesn't wait to BE punished; he takes the initiative to put himself "in the doghouse"!

I'M COLBY

But I realized recently that I'm a lot like Colby (though not as cute). When I do something I think God won't like, I assume I'm "in the doghouse," and I cower in the corner until I think I've been thoroughly punished.

So when I have a bad attitude, or drop the ball, or don't live up to expectations, or want something I shouldn't, or feel reluctant to do the right thing...I figure God's annoyed and/or disappointed in me, rolling his eyes, and giving me the silent treatment until I get my act together. I assume I'm in the doghouse.

When I'm in the doghouse, I react like a kid in time-out...

• I get really quiet and "think about what I've done." After all, I figure he doesn't want to talk to me until I start acting the way he wants. (That's the point of the doghouse, right? - to get someone to change their behavior.) So I beat myself up over my offenses. That way he doesn't have to do it for me!
• I avoid most communication with God altogether. I don't want to tell God I love him...because I'm afraid he'll come back with, "Thanks...and I tolerate you." I don't even want to apologize for what I've done, because that would draw attention to my offense...and possibly make him more upset...or even remind him that this should probably be the last straw for me.  
• When I'm in the doghouse, I don't want to cause further displeasure, so I keep a low profile and try not to ask for anything. During those times, I HATE when anyone wants me to pray or talk about God, because that just draws attention to me and what a brat I've been. Since I'm being punished, I feel guilty if I'm happy and I try to stifle it as much as possible.

Basically, I hide sheepishly in the corner - being an un-squeaky wheel - until I think he's over it and I'm back on his good side.

Sometimes I'm not sure if God's disappointed or not...so to be on the safe side, I put myself in the cage anyway. (After all, when someone's in my doghouse but they're oblivious to it, that makes me even MORE mad!!! I ramp up the silent treatment until they notice!) And I certainly don't want to increase God's annoyance, so I figure it can't hurt to stay in the doghouse until I know the coast is clear.

I HATE being in the doghouse. But sometimes I just don't have the willpower or wisdom to do the right thing. Like Colby, I just can't resist the lure of a succulent pair of underwear (or some other tempting equivalent) and that's when I find myself ashamed and frustrated that I'm on God's bad side once again.

WHAT HAPPENED THIS WEEK

Earlier this week I found myself in this position. I knew the wise course of action...and yet I didn't take it. All along I tried to convince myself to do the right thing...but in the end, I just didn't do it. It's not that I did something horribly wrong...I just didn't do much at all. So I figured I let God down - especially since I've made this same mistake multiple times. I imagined he was pretty disappointed in me this time (Will she ever learn?!?!), and that he was gearing up for the silent treatment...so of course I put myself in my cage...by which I mean, I stayed out of sight until I could get my act together - stopped praying, started beating myself up, avoided all mention of God.

Now, being in the doghouse was extremely frustrating, because at that time I really needed to talk to someone about my situation (and usually I go to God) but since I was in the middle of receiving the silent treatment, that was a no go. I really felt that if God could hear all the factors that went into my decision making, maybe he'd understand why I did what I did, and maybe he'd have compassion instead of being annoyed, and maybe he'd be able to help me do the right thing...but how can you explain all of that to someone who doesn't want to hear from you? So I hunkered down to take my punishment, when all of a sudden I had the strangest thought one day at work.

"Who put you in the doghouse?"

It was a weird thought, but I've started to recognize that a lot of my weird thoughts come from God. So I followed the trail.

I answered, "Well, I'm in the doghouse because I didn't make the wise decision. I let you down and I'm being punished, and I know you don't want to hear from me until I get my act together."

But the thought came again: "Not WHY...WHO put you in the doghouse?"

I tried to answer the same as before, but the thought just kept coming again and again..."WHO put you in the doghouse?"...until finally it occurred to me...I actually don't think God put me there. I think just like Colby, I PUT MYSELF IN THE DOGHOUSE. I assumed that's where he wanted me, so I went there myself. Suddenly I was pretty sure that God hadn't turned away from me; on the contrary, I was hiding from him!

SACRILEGIOUS THOUGHTS 

This thought was enough to make me cry...that maybe I don't need to fear the silent treatment every time I let God down...that maybe he doesn't put people in the doghouse...that maybe I can still approach him with confidence (rather than sheepishness) even when I've made mistakes...that maybe even when I'm stupid, he still looks at me with excitement and desire and wants to bless me. What a relief that would be - to have a safe space to take risks and fail sometimes, knowing that I'm still bringing my Father pride; not chagrin or embarrassment!

But something about it seems really sacrilegious. I mean, I BELONG in the doghouse. I HAVE been annoying. I HAVE been a brat. I HAVE been unwise. If I acted this way toward anyone else, I know they'd write me off! So to think I'm allowed to avoid punishment and just act like everything's hunky-dory seems like I'm justifying my bad behavior and letting myself off the hook. It seems like it's irresponsible and prideful NOT to put myself in the doghouse when I've been bad.

This caused me a great deal of internal conflict. On the one hand, I REALLY, REALLY want to believe it. (And the freedom and joy brought by believing it feel the way God's voice usually feels.) But on the other hand, it seems like a cop out. After all, I've spent my entire life trying to avoid people's disfavor. Shouldn't God's be even MORE important to avoid?


MY PONDERINGS

After a lot of thought, I honestly can't say I'm completely comfortable with the idea of letting God down and then still acting as if everything's okay between me and him.

But what I do know is this...the idea that God doesn't put us in the doghouse is POSSIBLE and PROBABLE. I know this because the Bible contains tons of examples of people who should have gotten God's silent treatment but didn't. Consider...

• Jacob - If anybody deserved the silent treatment, it's this guy. He was a manipulator and a con man...ALWAYS concerned with his own advancement, never giving God a thought. Yet instead of snubbing him until he shaped up, God followed Jacob around almost like a puppy tugging at his heels. "Hey, Jacob! Are you ready to talk to me? Hey, Jacob! I want to bless you!" What in the world?! I mean, it's really quite ridiculous. Jacob got pursued and blessed instead of receiving the doghouse treatment he deserved.

• Jonah - Talk about a brat with a bad attitude. First he ran away from God to avoid obeying him...then when he finally did do the right thing, he was so mad about the way it turned out that he threw a temper tantrum and pouted. But instead of expecting Jonah to stay away until he was ready to apologize, God approached Jonah to restore their relationship...while Jonah was still in the middle of his hissy fit! Jonah didn't get time-out; he got a heart-to-heart with his Father who wanted to be close to him, no matter how he was acting.

• Peter - Okay, seriously, this guy pretended he didn't even KNOW Jesus. I can guarantee if someone rejected me like that, they'd be on my blacklist. They'd better not even think of coming around me and acting like everything's okay between us. (And in fact, Peter didn't. He was so ashamed that he skulked off away from everyone else and went back to his old job.) But Jesus didn't leave him in his self-imposed time-out. On the contrary, Jesus went looking for Peter with this whole plan to show him they were still friends by re-enacting key events from their relationship. No doghouse for Peter.

• Adam & Eve - Adam & Eve made a mistake so bad that they broke God's heart and wrecked the entire world and course of human history. If that shouldn't garner God's disgrace, I don't know what would. But when you expect to see God cast them away, what you ACTUALLY find is that they're the ones hiding from God. And God won't have it! He doesn't want them to stay away from him! So he gently calls them out of hiding...asking questions to re-open the lines of communication and to try to woo them back. (Ironically he asks them a question similar to the one he asked me: "WHO told you that you were naked?") And then even after they sidestep God's questions and choose to stay in the doghouse, he lovingly makes them clothing to wear in the doghouse, and then tells them his long-range plan to restore their relationship. That's crazy.

MY CONCLUSIONS

So these examples, among others, have me somewhat convinced that if I'm in the doghouse, it's probably my own doing...not God's. He must still want to be with me, even when I'm a disappointing jerk. But how could this be? Why DOESN'T he get upset and want distance until I mend my ways?

I think it's because of one striking time when someone DID get the silent treatment from God.  

• Jesus - Now here's a guy who definitely did NOT deserve the silent treatment. He never let God down! He did everything perfectly! God even said Jesus was his son "in whom he was well pleased." Jesus deserved the blessing and pursuing that all the other guys got. But instead, on the cross, Jesus cried, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" Clearly, Jesus DID get the silent treatment. He was calling out for his Father, but the Father was turning his face away from him...Jesus was experiencing a "doghouse" far worse than any I could ever imagine!

So WHY did Jesus get put in the doghouse? I think this is why...

Isaiah 53:6 describes Jesus when it says, "the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all." So all I can figure is this...God gathered up all the stupid/bratty/unwise/selfish things I was ever going to do (all my iniquity)...and instead of laying it on me, he laid it on Jesus. And then he gave Jesus the silent treatment that that iniquity deserved. And when Jesus took the punishment for those iniquities, that canceled them out. I don't have to pay for them anymore (by cowering sheepishly in the corner) because they've already been paid for.  

Since Jesus took my silent treatment, I can have the warm welcome he deserves.

Incredible. That still seems too-good-to-be-true, but as I was contemplating it, I ran across Hebrews 10:17-18:

"I'll forever wipe the slate clean of their sins.

Once sins are taken care of for good, there's no longer any need to offer sacrifices for them."

And as I pored over the chapter it occurred to me...to continue to place myself in time-out after my slate has been wiped clean is to offer useless sacrifices for sins that no longer exist. It's a waste of time, and frankly, it's an insult to Jesus who went to a lot of trouble to give me a clean slate. I imagined him thinking, "Why the heck did I go to the doghouse for her if she's going to continue to go there herself?! What a waste of my time!"

I don't know. Something about acting like I have a clean slate still seems sacrilegious to me. And it's going to be REALLY TOUGH not to "go to my cage" after a lifetime of cowering there. (After all, the cage seems safer than exposing myself to possible rejection out in the open!) But Hebrews 10:19 also says, "we can now - without hesitation - walk right up to God...because Jesus has cleared the way." And let me tell you, I NEED to walk right up to God and be with him...because the more I stay away, the grumpier, harder, jerkier, and stupider I become. (I know that's not a word...just go with it.)

So I'm coming out. Hide your underwear.